


Family Dinner (Where all the Children Want Steak Knives)

by The_confused_writer



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Mess, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23689303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_confused_writer/pseuds/The_confused_writer
Summary: Human Sanders Sides Au with Intruloceit, Oc kids, Single Dad Virgil, Lovable Patton, and Uncle Roman, all together as one dysfunctional family.I suck at Naming things
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	Family Dinner (Where all the Children Want Steak Knives)

**Author's Note:**

> In This Au
> 
> Remus, Logan, and Damien (Deceit) are raising two adopted kids, Virgil is raising a kid with the help of Patton(they are not romantically involved) and Roman is just chilling as an uncle.
> 
> Also, Remus works at the zoo because why not.

Logan checked the clock again. Roman would be arriving in fifteen minutes. He checked the time on his mashed potatoes. Twenty minutes. “Perfect.” He muttered to himself. He went to start setting the table, making sure to grab the plastic plates for the kids. He could hear Remus entertaining them upstairs, but was unsure of where Damien was. He set out the glasses and double-checked to make sure everything was in the right place. 9 seats for 9 people. 6 adults and 3 kids. 

He walked across the kitchen and adjusted a picture of said kids that was hanging on the fridge. It was a picture of Samael, who had just turned eight a couple of weeks ago, with his arms around a frowning Pandora, who was 4 and a half. They couldn’t get her to smile no matter how hard they tried. His two treasures.

Logan heard soft footsteps behind him and immediately knew who it. He listened to the footsteps as the person came closer and closer. Logan tensed in anticipation

Then Damien gave Logan’s butt a little squeeze and Logan jumped before turning around and playfully shoving him. He pressed himself against Logan and pulled him in for a kiss. Logan practically melted in his arms as Damien wrapped his arms around him, pressing him back against the fridge. After he was done kissing, he simply stood there, holding Logan in his arms like he was something precious that needed to be held with care. “Just wanted you to know I love you.” Damien whispered. Logan was confused by the random show of affection but didn’t complain. Then Damien pulled away and went to check on Remus, leaving Logan a little bit happier than he had a minute ago.

Damien headed upstairs to find a large blanket fort in the middle of the living room. Pandora was perched on one of the chairs being used as a support, while Remus and Samael were hidden inside giggling about something. Pandora looked bored as she fiddled with a Rubix cube. She glanced at Damien before looking back down at the Rubix cube.

Someone started whispering in the blanket forth causing the other one to giggle loudly

“Where did my boys go?” Damien asked aloud. A puppet peeked its head out from the blanket flap. It was a ratty old sock puppet with pink fabric for hair and googly eyes. 

“ **I don’t what you’re talking about?”** It said in Kermit’s voice. Damien leaned down and tried to grab the puppet. “ **Aaa fine I’ll tell you. I ate them, they’re gone.”** The puppet retreated into the blanket fort. Samael giggled loudly while Kermit laughed evilly. Damien smiled and walked away from the blanket fort, glad that they were having fun.

The doorbell rang. “I’ve got it.” Damien shouted as he ran down the stairs to the front door. He opened it and was greeted by an anxious-looking Virgil who was holding little three-year-old Willow. Standing beside him was an exited Patton, who was holding a bag of what Damien assumed were desserts. Patton set the bag down and enveloped Damien in a big hug. He awkwardly hugged back. Patton had always been one for physical affection and Damien was still doing his best to get used to it.. Virgil awkwardly scooted by, Willow waving at Damien as she passed. Patton pulled back and picked up the bag. “I’m going to set these down in the kitchen, do you need any help?”

“Ask Logan, he might need some help with the steaks.” Damien responded. Patton nodded and headed towards the Kitchen and past Virgil who was standing a few feet away from Damien. “REMUS, SAMAEL, PANDORA! VISITORS ARE HERE!”

Willow pouted “Do I have to hang out with Pandora, she’s really mean.” She complained. Virgil quickly shushed her. Pandora and Samael came running down the stairs, followed by Remus. Pandora frowned upon seeing Willow but said nothing. Willow nearly jumped out of Virgil’s arms trying to get to Samael. 

“If you’re going to insist on being carried then you’re going have to stay still.” Virgil warned before setting her down. She ran up to Samael, nearly knocking him over as she hugged him. Damien placed a hand on Virgil’s back. “I’ll show you to the kitchen, dinner should be ready soon.”

. . .

Roman arrived ten minutes late, just in time for dinner. As soon as he stepped inside he was tackled by Remus. Damien stood their, watching the two fight like children. “Thank god we didn’t have twins.” He muttered to himself.

Once Logan announced that Dinner was ready, everybody quickly migrated to the kitchen to get their food before sitting down at the table. 

Virgil cut up Willow’s food into tiny pieces, while she watched in awe. She tried multiple times to grab the knife from Virgil, only to have him pull away before she could touch it. “Papa why can’t I have the knife.” She whined, tearfully staring at Virgil. Virgil frowned. “Please Daddy, I wanna have a knife like everyone else.” Virgil shook his head. Her bottom lip trembled.

Patton tapped on her shoulder. “None of the other kids are using knives, because they’re too sharp. It’s for your own safety.” Willow sniffed then looked down. Then she began to cry. Virgil turned to the other adults, silently begging for help. 

Logan leaned over the table and placed a dull butter knife on her plate. Willow looked up and stopped crying. She wiped her tears away with her sleeve and picked up the butter knife. Then, with a big smile, she sawed at the mashed potatoes. Virgil mouthed a thank you to Logan.

“I want a sharp knife, I’m older.” Samael complained. 

“I mean, he is eight.” Logan gave Remus a look. “Maybe another day.” Pandora reached over for Logan’s knife. Logan pushed the knife away from her. She started to climb on the table.

“Logan I think your child is trying to shank you.” Roman warned. Logan sighed and gently lifted Pandora off the table and back onto her chair. She glared at him from her seat.

“Okay let’s eat,” Remus exclaimed as he shoveled a spoonful of potatoes in his mouth. Logan rolled his eyes as he picked up his fork.

“So,” Roman said hesitantly. “Anything interesting happen today?” 

“Ooh, can I go first!” Patton immediately chirped “I have an amazing story. There was a kid who kept calling me dad. It was so cute. His dad seemed pretty upset when he heard it though.” Roman and Virgil choked on their drinks. Roman turned away as he wheezed and coughed. After he was breathing normally again, he turned back to the others.

“Patton you stole that man’s spot,” Roman said.

Patton shrugged. “I didn’t mean to.”

“We know, we know,” Virgil assured him. “You’re just too lovable for your own good sometimes.” Patton smiled bashfully as the others nodded in agreement. Willow looked around confused before nodding with them.

“I’ll go next,” Remus said. “This dumbass tour guide.” He got a glare from Logan, Patton, and Damien. “Fine, this butt-muffin tour guide kept referring to my beautiful crocodiles as alligators. They are beautiful killers who can rip animals’ faces off, they deserve to be called by the right name. They are way more dangerous than stupid alligators. Nerdy Wolverine was  **offended** . I could see the hurt in his EYES.”

“That’s very nice sweetie, it’s a good thing that the alligators had you to comfort them,” Damien assured. Remus nearly froze, clenching his fists so hard that the fork nearly snapped in half. Virgil let out an undignified snort “I’m kidding I’m kidding, please don’t kill me.” Damien said with a smirk.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Fine, apology accepted. But seriously don’t disrespect them, they can tear your  **fucking arms to shreds if** -” He quickly covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes widening. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” He looked down ashamed. There was silence for a good twenty seconds. Virgil tapped his foot anxiously, while Logan silently comforted Remus. Patton smiled at Samael, who was awkwardly hunched in his seat. 

“Just some word vomit.” Remus blurted in an attempt to explain himself. “It’s word vom- I’ll just be quiet.” 

The phone rang. Deceit stood up to go get it. He checked the number before picking it up and answering. “Deceit King speaking. . . mhm... yes . . . . . . yes, I did say that . . . . . I am aware that she did that . . . . mhm . . . . . .could you repeat that . . .”

“Who is it?” Logan asked from his seat. Damien held a finger to his lips to shush him. He smiled slyly. “Yes, I’m aware . . . your poor daughter, it must be so hard to have a mother as vile as you are.” He hung up the phone and went back to his seat. “Jessica called.” He explained. Logan gave Damien an understanding look and patted him on the back. Remus sheepishly smiled, happy to have the attention off of him. 

They all ate in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

That was until Samael spoke up. “So what’s for dessert tonight.”

. . .

Logan prodded at the fire with a stick, adjusting the wood so it could catch fire. Samael excitedly tried to open the bag of marshmallows while Pandora chewed on a stick that was supposed to be used for marshmallows. Damien sat in an old patio chair, a large black coat draped over him. He was already preparing himself for the children’s hyperactivity that came from eating sweets too late at night.

Virgil stood up and excused himself to go to the bathroom. He carefully passed the half-asleep Willow to Roman, who immediately began to fawn over her. Logan yawned beside Damien and moved his chair closer so they could lean on each other. Damien closed his eyes enjoying the moment to its fullest. He focused on all the sensations. The smell of smoke, Logan’s warmth, the crackling of the fire. It was perfect.

“Papa that’s not how you cook marshmallows,” Samael complained. Damien opened his eyes to see Remus standing next to the fire, holding a stick with a burning marshmallow on it. Remus blew on it and ate the burnt marshmallow without hesitation. Samael cringed.

“Don’t do what your Papa did,” Logan warned. “Remus you’re going to get food poisoning.” Remus placed another marshmallow on the stick and stuck it in the fire. Logan sighed defeated. Damien pulled Logan closer and stroked the back of his neck. Logan immediately relaxed. Damien watched as Roman did his best to roast a marshmallow, only to end up with the same result as Remus. Logan rolled his eyes and sat up. “Wait until the fire dies down, have none of you ever cooked marshmallows before?” Roman blushed and quickly blew out his marshmallow.

“Virgil’s been gone for like ten minutes, do you think we should check upon him?” Patton asked. Deceit stood up. 

“I’ll go check on him.” Damien offered. He walked away from the campfire and went to the backdoor. He quietly opened it and stepped inside. Virgil, who had been partway through eating a peanut butter sandwich, froze. Then he dropped the sandwich and covered his face in shame.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” Deceit quickly shut the door behind him as Virgil began to panic. Damien put his hands up in a nonthreatening manner. “I know it’s disgusting, but please don’t tell anyone,” Virgil begged, as he began to tear up. Damien narrowed his eyes, confused. Virgil continued to frantically apologize. “I swear to god I’m so sorry.”

Damien shushed him. “Virgil it’s okay, could you please just tell me why you’re sorry.” Virgil tried to stifle his tears as he answered.

“I don’t know, I was just feeling stressed and -and I just ate a shit ton of your bread, I’m so sorry, I’ll pay for the bread. ” He turned away from Damien and hunched over, crying into his hands. 

Damien slowly approached Virgil, doing his best not to scare him away. Once he was close enough, he tentatively placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Virgil I don’t see what the big deal is, if you were hungry you could’ve just told me. 

“No, you don’t get it,” Virgil argued. “I just keep stress binging all the time, I’m not actually hungry. I know it sounds stupid but it keeps happening.” He wiped his face with his sleeve. “A few days ago I ate almost half of Patton’s fridge. Patton was nice about it, but he said I have to tell Emile.” 

Damien thought for a second unsure of how to respond then he remembered something. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but I think Logan used to do that.?” 

Virgil looked hopeful. “Really?”   
“Yeah, whenever he got really angry he used to eat. Make sure to tell Emile okay?” Virgil nodded. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what stressed you out?” He asked.

Virgil shrugged. “It’s really stupid, but earlier, when Patton said that there was a kid in his daycare that started calling him dad, I started to worry Willow might do that. She calls me Dad at the moment, but Patton takes care of her more. He’s basically her dad. And I don’t know what to do, so instead of trying to fix the promblem I eat Peanut Butter”

“I understand.” Damien lied. He knew that what Virgil was going through must be tough, but his experience with children had been incredibly different. He had willingly adopted children when he had a stable job and a nice house. Virgil had a child thrown into his life before he could graduate.

“If Willow calls you Dad now, I doubt she’ll stop,” Damien assured. “And I’m sure she loves Patton, but she loves you just as much. Now I’m going to head outside, you can stay here or come outside. Do you wanna come with me?” Virgil nodded and let Damien lead him towards the back door. As soon as he opened the door they were greeted by screaming.

“PUT ME DOWN REMUS,” Logan ordered as Remus walked around the fire with Logan slung over his shoulder. Samael and Pandora were skipping behind, joyfully shouting and clapping. Patton waved cheerfully at Damien and Roman was on the ground in hysterics, Willow sitting next to him. 

Virgil, despite having just been upset, couldn’t help smiling. It was an odd sight, seeing the usually composed Logan being carried like a child. Deceit didn’t smile. Logan pushed against Remus’s shoulder, trying to free himself.

“Remus put him down.” Deceit ordered. Remus stuck his tongue out at him while Pandora shook her head defiantly. “Remus put him down NOW!” He shouted. Another night Logan might have found this funny but judging by the panicked look on his face, tonight was not one of those nights. 

Remus finally obliged with a groan and set Logan back down. As soon as his feet touched the ground, Logan shoved Remus. Remus stumbled back a few feet, nearly tripping. “When I tell you to put me down, PUT ME DOWN!” Logan snarled.

“You found it funny last time.” Remus pointed out.

“Well, maybe I don’t always feel comfortable being treated like a ragdoll.”

Then Logan stormed off, past Virgil and Damien and into the doorway. He gave Remus one last glare then slammed the backdoor behind him. Damien glared at Remus. “Remus seriously. You knew that was a bad idea.”

“Why is Dad so mad, we were just having fun?” Pandora asked innocently. Remus didn’t answer and silently went back to his chair. Virgil and Damien took their own seats.

Damien cleared his throat. “Okay, there’s been more than enough drama in this household tonight so can we please just stay calm for the next hour.” Everyone nodded. “Good, now Roman, why don’t you tell us some ghost stories.” Remus started to protest. “You can tell your stories when the kids are in bed Remus.” 

Roman grinned, the perfect ghost story already in mind.

. . .

It was now almost 11:00 and Pandora and Samael were in bed. Patton and Virgil had left a half-hour prior, leaving only Remus Damien and Roman sitting at the fire. Remus was currently partway through one of his ‘ghost stories.’

“-She walked slowly, filled with fear. The paintings all watched her as she walked, their eyes following her as she passed. As she got farther down the halls the paintings became more disturbing. Paintings of families with horrified expressions and grotesque injuries. She could almost hear them begging for help. But the painting at the end of the hall called out to her most. The people in the painting were now reaching out, their bloody painted limbs, reaching out towards her. She finally reached the end of the hall. She gasped. The painting at the end of the hall depicted a tall man and a short chubby boy. They were covered in roaches and spiders that spilled out of their mouths and ears. Their faces were twisted in pain and fear and their eyes were tinted a bloody red. It was her father and her brother. And as the spiders spilled from the painting onto the floor, she realized that it soon would be her too.” He sat up and waited for a response.

“Fuck man,” Roman said. “Your bedtime stories must be fun.” Remus threw a marshmallow at him. “Fine it was good, the ending freaked me out. You’re lucky Patton isn’t here. If he had heard the ending, he would lose it.” Damien laughed at the mental image of Patton’s horrified reaction. 

“It was an adequate story.” Someone said from behind them. They turned around to see Logan at the doorway. He was no dressed in a pair of P.J’s and slippers and was missing his signature glasses. He slowly walked towards the campfire.

Remus stood up. “Logan I’m so sorry.” He apologized as Logan moved closer. Damien watched the two getting ready for a confrontation. Logan walked right up to him, looked him in the eye and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Remus sighed, relieved and pulled Logan into a hug. “Thank you Cuddle Bear.” Remus then pulled Logan into a deeper kiss, his hands gripping Logan’s waist.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Roman said standing up. “Thanks for an awesome night, I’m going to go home and try not to have nightmares.” He waved goodbye before quickly leaving through the backdoor, leaving the trio to themselves. 

Damien stood up and joined the hug, running his hand along with the soft fabric of Logan’s pajamas. They stood there enjoying each other’s warmth.    
“I’m horny,” Remus whispered.

“Thank you for ruining the moment.” Deceit muttered.

“No problem,” Remus whispered back.

“I’m aroused too,” Logan added.

Deceit sighed defeated.


End file.
